When I Was a Baby Buddhist

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When I was a baby Buddhist, our little temple was visited by one of the most senior and respected monks in our order, and he offered a chance to ask him a private question.

I was very new, but man I was FEELING IT. Everything was resonating — I had found my Sangha, I had found IT. I signed up to ask my question but honestly struggled — it all just made so much sense.

So when the time came, I came in and bowed and we sat it silence for a minute or two before I asked, chuckling: “Is it ok if it seems easy?”

He chuckled too and asked how long I’d been practicing, responding with an understanding “… Ah” when I told him. He paused for a minute and replied: “It’s ok if it seems easy, but don’t be surprised when it becomes hard.”

A couple of weeks later we lost our baby in a miscarriage.

And then I was back at the temple, sobbing, remembering my own baby Buddhist question and Rev. Koten’s compassionate response.

Bliss is nice. It’s nice to feel like we’ve figured it all out, like we don’t need any more answers. And there will probably still be times that we are brought to our knees.